And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of of life; and man became a living soul. Genesis 2:7
There seems to be a more then a few things lingering around in my life. I will call them my unfinished business; both personally and professionally, where I tend to have so many questions with regards to them.
I have wondered over the last month how come I seem to be so stuck and a captive to my feelings, thoughts, and hopes? What is it that I am missing or where is the disconnect to letting it all go.
This past Saturday I had coffee with my friend Gord, after prayers, we spent the time checking in with each other. Gord, is not only a wonderful friend, he has been a great brother to me both in prayer and as an encourager. I was sharing with him my recent struggle with being able to let go of my hope for the rekindling of my broken relationship. Something I have been deeply effected by. I am baffled by my inability to do so and I wondered if I ever will be able to.
As he does he recited his encouragement, along with some words of wisdom (which would follow with a chuckle of; I'm not so sure it is.), to keep leaning in and trusting in God. To keep moving forward, no matter what I felt and that I he believed I was doing all I needed to do.
Even in the midst of all the emotional struggles I have felt and wonders I have had of 'how come I couldn't let her go', I agreed with him. I know I have to keep leaning into God, seek him, and call on Him in the midst of it all. There is no other way for me to go about it and in time I trust I will find absolute peace.
After we had parted ways I had picked up the book 'The Prayer of Jabez' by Bruce Wilkinson and continued to read it. (this book had been gifted to me twice in my life. Once about 3 years ago, and recently. It's a book, I myself, have given to other people) If you aren't familiar with the prayer, it's quite a powerful one. One that brings a sudden pause to the genealogy in Chronicles, stemming from Adam (the first man)
1 Chronicles 4
10 Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, and thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me - KJV
It's something that I have written on a piece of paper and taped on my desk. I won't get to in-depth here, however it is one that was small prayer with a huge impact.
I had gotten to the place in the book, where Wilkinson was talking about this man who was a mentor and he wondered how a great man of faith prayed. He said he was shocked to see that this man had asked for blessings for himself first and foremost, before he started to pray for others. I pondered this and thought what is God doing in my life right now...
Then it happened, this is what I heard:
When something isn't working in our lives and we don't understand why or how come, and it feels like it has been suddenly taken away or removed without warning, it is simply because the situation was bringing you and the other person great harm (something God doesn't do or want for us).
Whether I believe that God has brought about the separation or not, whether it's for a short time or forever, what it does is, it allows God to breathe life back into me and into the other person. To bring His life back into each of ours, where the circumstances and the struggles were stealing away from each of our lives; no matter who was right or wrong.
This isn't punishment, to lose something you love so much, for it to be taken away from you, and feeling like you didn't have an opportunity to speak your truth... it may feel wrong, but with the insight above, it shows me how much he loves us. How great His love for me and for the other person. That he doesn't take sides, but sees us both of us as equals. And hopes we will do the same.
It's not about fault or who is to blame, if we don't know what the other person is truly going through then who are we to judge? Yes, things happen and maybe lines are crossed, but we are asked not to judge, but instead show love and compassion. Difficult to do or hard to swallow, this is the truth.
In John 12 Jesus said "I have come not to judge the world, but to save the world..." and if this is so, then we have to follow suite and not judge either, but pray and speak life into each others lives. Especially those who have brought any form of harm to us. Forgive, then forgive and forgive again times 70. Then God can breathe his breath of life back into ours.
In reflection of this, I have lost someone, I loved them very much. There still are moments where I feel and wonder about God and His plan for me. I find myself even crying out: Why? How come? What for? What is this purpose? These has been an ongoing questions I have been asking as I work through the loss. It's been a very trying time, but leaning into Him and asking these questions helps me to move through the day one step at a time.
I want to leave you with this:
Jesus Christ is a life giving name. A life giving set of words. His name breathes life, light and love into all things that which death seems to want to consume. His name, His power, His completed works on the cross, His victory, will in fact bring back the joy that has seemed to have been taken from you. His name heals all things that which are broken or bound, ill or sick, separated or divorced. A name which will breathe life back into any person and their circumstance. Just turn to Him and call out His name, then talk to Him. He's listening.
Thank you for reading.
Peace and Love to you.